So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
