Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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