she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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