thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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