"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
