Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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