i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
