Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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