No, you can still breathe under the balls.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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