my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
