shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
