Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
