dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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