I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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