Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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