a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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