oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
