His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize