did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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