i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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