I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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