and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
