yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
