Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's always time for handjobs
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
