Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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