Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
