I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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