Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
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