my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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