Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize