My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
