I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
