Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
