Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
