I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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