im drinking this country out of the recession.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
