Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
