I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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