u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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