I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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