you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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