It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
