i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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