I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
