He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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