Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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