After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
