So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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