I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
