Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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