so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
