I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
being pregnant is like rehab
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
