I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
