Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
