Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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