Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
