My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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