I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
