I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
