Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
