her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
