i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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