I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
