I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
