How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
