The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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