Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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