guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
