wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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