gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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