your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
