my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
