and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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