Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
