Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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