I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
