I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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