Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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