She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
