lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
