if you like me you must not know who I am
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
