Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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