My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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