So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
