while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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