Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you win again, gameday.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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