i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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